What’s your definition of resilience?
My life took a drastic change in direction in 2018. I certainly never could have imagined I would go from being a healthy, active, twenty-two-year-old girl to being an individual living with multiple disabilities. Bilateral leg amputations, a spinal cord injury, a traumatic brain injury, and so much more; all twists in the path of my future that I would have never predicted.
These twists left me in charge of deciding where I could go. I could have remained frozen in place, unwilling to accept the changes or the challenges. Instead, I decided to use those challenges as a chance to create a new path.
I chose to move forward. I stepped into chapters of my life that my previous self would never have dared to imagine. One of these new chapters is the world of public speaking.
A Nightmare Becomes A Dream
Public speaking would have once been my worst nightmare. Before my injuries, I was the girl who dreaded being asked to speak up, give an opinion, or stand in front of a crowd. Now, this is something that I not only choose to do but is something I enjoy getting to do.
When I left the hospital in 2018 and re-entered the outside world, I knew one thing: I did not want to remain silent about all I had endured, survived, and learned, understanding that my experiences may help others who were willing to listen.
I started sharing my story and journey publicly at a Chamber of Commerce event in my hometown, Rutland, Vermont.
On that day, I walked across the stage in a white dress that revealed my brand-new prosthetic legs. I used a walker to cross the stage, and the word “Resilience” was displayed on the screen behind me. I then shared my story for 45 minutes.
I told every detail of my experience, many of which no one had heard of before – from the moment of the boat’s explosion to waking up from a comatose state and to sharing every bit of pain and grief I had felt since.
On that day, I reintroduced myself to my community. I let them into my world. And I found that afterward, they let me into their world, too. I realized that public speaking was not only a way for me to share my experiences but also a way to connect. It was a way to allow others to reflect on their challenges, and if they chose to, they could then share them with me. Public speaking created a community stitched together by shared moments of togetherness.
Sharing my story allowed me to stop living with my pain alone, and it allowed me to free others from the same thing. It healed a part of me and allowed me to move forward. I was hooked.
The Message I Share
Since then, I have spoken at events throughout New England and the West Coast. I’ve addressed non-profits, businesses, organizations, and schools. Though the speeches have all differed, their themes have remained the same: resilience, perseverance, and grit. Self-care, self-acceptance, and living life fully.
When I am writing a speech it is a fairly simple process. Sharing the details of my story and the outline of my recovery has always felt like enough.
It wasn’t until last month, when I spoke at the Woodstock Inn to the Vermont Principals Association, that I changed it up and presented my story differently.
A New Meaning of Resilience
In the past, I would have shared my story and used examples of how I have been resilient. I would have shared lessons on how the audience can be resilient, too.
But on that day, I said that I thought resilience was flawed.
It’s more than “the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties.” It’s so much more.
I had an issue with the word “quickly” in that definition. Does a resilient person quickly bounce back from a challenge?
My second issue was in the use of the word “withstand.”
I welcome you to use your imagination when you think of those words and to guess why you think I disagreed with them both.
I invite you to think of how you would define true resilience and to think of the times you have been deeply challenged.
Did you bounce back “quickly?” Or did you need some time to pause, rest, grieve, and accept?
My guess is that, no matter how strongly you overcame the challenge, there was at least some stretch of time where you needed a moment before you could begin the process of overcoming and moving forward. We all need time to process any challenge or any change – and that is more than okay. It’s necessary.
I told the audience that “resilience is picking up the pieces after all you know has shattered, and you need to create something new. And sometimes, you just need a minute before you can do that.”
I dove into examples from my story about how taking time to rest, grieve, or create time to be on your own can be exactly what you need – and also that, to me, being resilient means allowing yourself to have this time because you know that you will get back up again.
As for the word “withstand”…
What do you picture when you hear that word? Do you picture someone who is creating any change? Someone who is improving or growing in any real way? Or, do you first think of someone who is simply getting by?
I argued that when I heard the word “withstand” I pictured someone who is bearing down and getting by, simply waiting for the time to pass.
I said that I believe resilience is being able to do more than withstand a tough time. A truly resilient person is someone who creates change, someone who finds purpose in their pain, and someone who can be joyful despite being challenged.
Again, I used stories from the last six years of my recovery to show how I have expanded this definition of resilience. I mentioned the ways that I have adapted to move forward, like driving with my hands, public speaking, modeling for adaptive campaigns, and writing a book. I also mentioned the things I am most proud of, like volunteering for blood drives and pursuing new adaptive sports.
My Main Takeaway
Since the Woodstock Inn, my new perspective on resilience has been a driving theme in my public speaking – my “niche.” My presentation that day just felt right, and it finally connected all of my story with the years and experiences that followed.
And importantly, it resonates with those I speak to – from school children to businesses and everyone in between.
Make no mistake: My new definition of resilience will continue to change. I have many new experiences and accomplishments on the road ahead, which will have a meaningful influence on how I see the world, how I grow, and how I can continue sharing my story to help others grow, too.